ALLAH (SWT) has prescribed many duties on the believers with regards to the rights of others upon us. A search through Qur’an and Hadeeth reveals many verses and narrations in regards to the parent/child relationship. We are fortunate to have such instruction at our fingertips,alhamdulillah.
It is important that we define what is guaranteed to children (their rights over parents), and what is expected of them (the parents’ rights over their children).
With regards to positive parenting, we should also consider what motivates our children. This facet is paramount in positive parenting. In a recent article (Battle of the Wills), I discussed the first five steps to positive parenting. Now let’s take the next step to positive parenting.
I recommend parents start with a family meeting. During this meeting discuss Rights, Responsibilities, and Privileges. Even very young children can understand simple explanations of these concepts.
It’s important to let children participate in the meeting and give input. A child is more likely to respond to change if they are included in the process of making it.
Rights are the things that our children have a right to expect, regardless of their behavior, no matter what they do. Their rights should include basic things like food, clothing, shelter, opportunity for education, privacy, and love of parents. It should be clear that the child has these basic rights no matter what!
Responsibilities are the things children must do in order for the family to function well. Responsibilities could include things like chores, study, pet care, caring for younger siblings, prayer, personal hygiene, respect for parents, or anything else that you need/want your children to do. This should be customized to your family. If your children constantly battle you about getting ready in the morning, then you’d want to be sure to get this on the list. Be sure to include things they already do well along side things that need improvement.
Privileges are the things the kids want to do. They often mistake privileges for rights. This could include toys, television, computer time, games, outdoor activities, sports, telephone time, etc. Be sure to let your children help to build this list. The bigger the better, these are your children’s motivators.
Once you are aware of your children’s motivators you have something to work with to create a family action plan. You’ve also set up expectations in terms of what’s guaranteed (rights), what’s expected (responsibilities), and what must be EARNED (privileges). Understanding the difference between the three categories also helps children feel secure in their rights and less demanding of their privileges.
This important step is fundamental in making real changes to positive parenting. Check back for coming articles with more information about positive parenting.
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