Activity to Foster Children's Life Skills (“stage fright.” )

MOST everyone has heard of “stage fright.”  Stage fright occurs when a person experiences extreme anxiety upon facing situations in which they are required to perform, or speak, in public.  It’s estimated that 75% of all people experience some degree of anxiety from public speaking.¹

Glossophobia is the psychological term for speech anxiety.  It comes from the Greek and is a combination of “glossa,” meaning tongue, and “phobos,” meaning dread or fear.  There can be many triggers for this sometimes paralyzing fear.

“...O my Rabb! Expand me my breast. Ease My task for me; and remove the impediment from my speech, so they may understand what I say.” (Qur'an 20:25-28)

Triggers

The mere thought of speaking aloud can send even the most confident person into a frozen state of panic.  This fear can be triggered by:

The perception of being judged by others

A heightened need to be perfect, or to do well, in front of others

Being afraid of saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood

Embarrassment at the thought of being a failure in front of others

Uncertainty about your ability to do well

Focus on imperfections in one’s behavior or appearance

Lack of preparation for the situation

The list could go on and on and vary person to person. The result is verbal or physical symptoms which vary from mild to severe.

Verbal Symptoms

The verbal symptoms can make speaking in public ineffective and include:

1. Tense voice

2. Quivering or cracking voice

3. Stuttering

4. Inaudible voice

5. Repetition of filler words such as “Umm,” “Ahh,” “You know,” “Yani,” etc.

6. Long, inappropriate pauses, etc.

Physical Symptoms

Physical symptoms can be especially troublesome and are brought on by our bodies’ production of the hormone, adrenaline.  These reactions are often referred to as the “fight-or-flight” response to fear and include:

1. Acute hearing

2. Increased pulse

3. Elevated blood pressure

4. Sweating

5. Dilated pupils

6. Heavy or labored breathing

7. Stiff neck or upper body

8. Dry mouth

9. Dizziness

10. Nausea or vomiting, etc.

Typical Response

Of course the list of symptoms can also go on and on and vary person to person.  Perhaps more important than the triggers or the symptoms is how people respond to the problem.  How a person chooses to respond can either foster and increase the negative symptoms, or help overcome them.

Negative

1. Avoiding events or situations that may focus attention on the individual in any way
2. Extreme or inappropriate shyness
3. Asking others to speak on your behalf
4. Isolation and severe withdrawal from society and/or family

Positive

“Thee (alone) we worship; Thee alone we ask for help.”  (Qur’an 1:5)

1. Turning to Allah (SWT) for help
2. Ensuring preparation for known public speaking situations such as:
   1. 1. Leading Salat or calling Adthan
   2. 2. Meetings
   3. 3. Job interviews
   4. 4. Performances
   5. 5. Speeches, etc.
3. Practicing prepared speeches ahead of time
4. Finding safe groups to hone speaking skills, including impromptu speaking
5. Seeking self-help materials (public speaking is among the best selling topics)

Effect on Children

It occurred to me that this is an area that many children struggle with.  If not dealt with at an early age, they become adults who struggle with public speaking as well.  I touched on this topic a few weeks ago in Teaching Manners when I discussed greetings, hosting guests, and visiting others.

Then I reflected on how this fear manifests itself in my own children:

1. Fear of speaking to strangers on the phone (for example placing a pizza order)
2. Reluctance to ask for things at the market
3. Shyness in social groups, especially around new people or peers
4. Avoiding social invitations, especially when groups of new people may be present
5. Staying very near to me when in group situations
6. Anxiety over school presentations (even though their siblings are the audience)
7. Poor performance when asked to read aloud

Parent’s Role

This all came to mind as I was researching for an article I wrote for Arab News, Toastmasters KSA Now an Independent District.  It was about an international organization whose focus is on providing a supportive and safe environment for honing public speaking, team building, and leadership skills.

This group forms clubs, including many in Saudi, who meet regularly and follow a step-by-step system for practicing and mastering public speaking.  I was amazed by the comprehensive and well-developed program.  I was surprised to discover that they even have groups for families to provide the opportunity for children to learn as well.

Especially as a home school parent, I am always looking for social and educational enrichment opportunities for my children.  The more I learned about this program, the more I felt it perfectly fit both of those criteria.  As I pondered it more, I realized this is a terrific opportunity for all families, not just home schoolers.  I am so impressed by it that I feel it worthy of sharing with you here.

Practical Activity

I decided to look into founding two new clubs.  One for home schooled boys and their fathers and another for home schooled girls and their mothers.  The people who will be assigned to helping me set up these new clubs are currently on holiday.  So I decided to implement one feature of their program in my home to give my kids a head start.

The activity is called Table Topics^TM and is a trademarked term by Toastmasters International.² It focuses on impromptu speaking.  Simply stated, this means speaking in front of a group for two minutes on a topic at a moment’s notice.  Thinking on your feet and organizing your thoughts into words while in front of a group can be terrifying; until you practice it and are provided positive feedback a few times.

Mastering this skill is a huge accomplishment and gives the confidence needed to speak in any situation at any time, insha’Allah.  I’ve been having nightly Table Topics^TM meetings with my children for the past few weeks.  Even my two year old is getting up in front of the group and participating,masha’Allah.

Results

When we had our first gathering, my children froze.  The eldest refused to speak at all.  I’m pleased to say that they are doing much better now.  They are looking forward to the nightly ritual (which takes about half an hour with my family size of two adults and seven speaking children).

I’m also enjoying the regularly scheduled time with the whole family.  Because each person has a role to play, it is fostering team work.  One rule of the activity is that everyone must receive positive feedback.  Along with the positive comments, only one or two improvement suggestions may be given to any individual to focus on for the next night.  This has also encouraged the children to find nice things to say about one another and I can see their compassion for each other growing,masha’Allah.

When it is my turn to choose the topic I am able to focus on things I feel are important lessons for the family, such as deen, respect, compassion, manners, cleanliness, etc.  This has been a fun and interactive way to encourage communication amongst my children.

Conclusions

As parents it is our role to ensure that our children have the skills necessary to succeed in life.  Self confidence and public speaking are definitely life skills worthy of our time and effort.  After all, everyone will find themselves in a position to interview, perform a presentation, lead group prayers or call the Adthan, participate in group meetings, recieve a diploma or award, or simply enjoy social events during their lifetime.  Fear of public speaking can be overcome and there’s no better time than during our childhood to find our voice.

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1Hamilton, C. (2008/2005). Communicating for Results, a Guide for Business and the Professions (eighth edition). Belmont, CA: Thomson Wadsworth